I JUST WANNA BLOG

I just gotta get it all out..

*Deciding not to decide for now
*Book query
*Chamber
*Teaching
*Music

Okay, when I started the above list, I didn't think I put them in any particular order, but I guess they came out that way for a reason.

So, T and I have decided not to decide about having kids right now. The thought of having to make that decision 'right now' has caused me so much anxiety over the past two years that I didn't realize that it was clouding everything else for me. So, right now, I'm living in the present with the knowledge that we don't have to make that decision at this time; I still have some 'good' years left, should we decide we want kids.

And it's been an interesting journey just getting to this point in our decision making process, especially for me and my book idea. I'm kind of at an impass with it right now. One of my goals from my women's writing group was to have written a book query for it to pitch to publishers or agents. Well, my deadline is next Wednesday and THANK god our meeting got cancelled, because I haven't written it. Why, you ask? Well, could it be that I just haven't had time or is it a deeper issue - I'm scared. Scared I don't know how to do it right. Scared it won't be well-received and I'll have to face publisher rejection! Scared that it might meet with approval and then I'll actually have to sit down and write it! Goodness gracious, how can I fail or succeed without even trying? Eventually, I know I will try because I've heard from so many 'voices' that should be heard. I just need more time.... hmmmm, where have I heard that before???

I've just been having so much fun in all the other areas of my life that my book seems to have come in at the bottom of my priorities, but that's not to say I don't think of it all the time! I've just got a lot on my plate right now and I think it's about to overflow.

I just received approval from my boss today that I can take my two week vacation -- Terrence and I are going to New York! This has been almost 10 years in the planning and I'm so excited I can barely stand it!!! We'll be in NC Dec 26 - 30th and I'll be staying on there until Jan. 2nd, when I'll head to Pittsburgh, PA to hang with Tosca and Chris for a day or two and then I'll meet up with T in NY (he's goin' home for a rockin' New Year's gig in CA). Oh, you know exactly what I'm going to do there, right? I'm going on the SATC tour!!!! Woo Hoo!

Never before have I taken a 2 week vacation to anywhere, let alone a 3 week vacation; this has got to be a sign of a very good 2007!

And, it will be my first year of graduating a Leadership Oakland class from start to finish! I'm thrilled by that but a little less so by my other mundane and tedious tasks there at the Chamber. I've really been trying to weigh the Pros and Cons of my job and even reading a book called Love It Don't Leave It (thank for swapping me, Lori, at the BK Publishers event) so that I can come up with ideas about how to morph my job there into my 'ideal' job. But, not sure if that's going to work out, because really, my ideal job is teaching. And, although LO is teaching, there's a lot of baggage that goes with it. If I could only reduce my hours to 20/week there and ONLY do Leadership, it would allow me more time to teach, which may be why I've been so darned tired lately.

Have I taken on more than I could spin? For the entire month of August and into September, I subbed cycling classes at 5:45AM on M & W and now picked up a Friday 5:45AM class every other week and a Saturday class at 10:45am (thank god for the later start - LOL!). But, I won't give it up; I forgot how much I enjoy teaching fitness classes - oh, who am I kidding, teaching in general. How can I derive so much pleasure and satisfaction from teaching??? That's a question I hold near and dear to my heart.

But here's the irony... I get sooooooooo nervous. I'd been teaching fitness classes for over 10 years. And, after a short hiatus, when I went back, I felt like I was going to throw up. That's very much how I feel now about teaching and facilitating my first class at the University of Phoenix next week! I know I'll love it when I've got my first class under my belt, but I'm so freakin' nervous about it right now. I'll give myself the same pep talk I give my current students: you're your own worst critic... the audience wants you to succeed... preparation and practice are your best friends/tools... change your perception... utilize cognitive restructuring... see, I'm feeling better already (uh, no - not yet anyway).

In the past 4 weeks if someone gave me $10,000 for every time I've said the phrase, "If only every day could be like today..." in reference to my teaching at DVC, I'd be a bazillionaire!!!

I'm so enjoying this semester at DVC; it has really been fantastic so far. Now, some of you will probably remind me that this is still the 'honeymoon' phase of the semester, but I like to give it the benefit of the doubt... I think this is going to be a fantastic semester. There are already students in both my classes that are proving this to me! And, really, I've said it before, it only takes one student to make my day!

And, speaking of making my day... things are going so well for Terrence and his career! It really has been an amazing 5 months. The Calling: Volume Two is now receiving airtime on KCSM and KKUP (in San Jose). In fact, I'm doing my first radio interview (ever) with Terrence next Tuesday, September 12th from 4 - 5pm! I'm so excited. I guess the DJ wants to talk to me about marketing and promotion (since I'm doing such a great job;) and of course to T about his new CD releases! VERY EXCITING!!!!

But, then, everything that's going on for me is very exciting right now. I feel like I'm truly enjoying my life right now - exactly the way it is; thus, our reason for postponing a non-furry addition to our family indefinitely.

Okay, I've rambled quite a bit; please forgive me though, as it has been a month since my last entry and I've got a lot goin' on! Give me shout if you've got something to say... I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time...